Monday, January 28, 2013

Why should I have to learn?

There were so many things I want to share right now. Things that bombarded me and Thoughts that keeps on ranting around. This is been the third time already that I experience this in my 20 years of existence here on earth. 3rd time but have brought so much worst in my whole being.

I accept that I’m really a drama type of person which translates in every entry I post here. There’s always that certain drama behind and I guess it will forever be there. However this might be one of the most emotional of my entire drama scene. I hope you will forgive me for sharing this… I just don’t know how to handle the pain, the loss of this emotional drainage.

From the usual 6:30am when the alarm starts to chase my eardrums I woke up this morning having these heavy feelings. It was more on a mixed of emotions I say, there’s anguish, pain, hurt, regrets, sorrow that tranquil in my whole system. Hence I ditch in my morning class just because of it. I don’t know! But the pains affect me so much. So much that i don't already feel the pain. -I became numb! I feel like a balloon floating in the air. A radio playing in muted music. I maybe sound exaggerated now but it’s true so I pleased to pardon you with this emotional baggage.

I don’t think of anyone to share this emotional stress I’m going through, a friend is not what I need this time but an open world to understand what I’m going through. Sympathy will not make me feel okay. All I need is a space a silent world free from others scrutiny and judgment. I found the cyber world’s comfort so I choose to blog about this!

Soon as I reach school this morning, i sat down in our e-library and decided to blog about it. It is because of someone I consider a loss in my life I loss him a day ago. Not a family member you thought but someone special in me. Someone special that dig a deep hole in my heart and left without occupying the space. He left me for nothing what’s worst is that he left me hanging. He left me which i guessed was for good though he didn't tell me straight but i hint he did for me not to expect anything. I know i should not put the blame only to him but to myself as well. My fault for expecting more than what is supposed to be expected. I did not learn my lesson for the 3rd time. I know! I'm stupid. yes i admit it.

Regret is not the word to describe it but rather it’s self-inflicted. I realized that there’s no one to blame the fault but me. That I should not accused someone for not giving me the love and attention I needed. I have to stop blaming people. I know I should be the one to carry all the credits. If only from the beginning I took extra careful, then none of this will happen. But I’m no regret about it somewhere in between the tides are lesson learned. I may not choose the best option before but through this experienced i learned so many lessons which became my basis of love in the future. I may not experienced that fairytale love ending story but hey this will not stop me from looking for the prince charming. haha please don't judge me for this!

I feel relieve now. I guess i already let it all out! I have to go now and attend for my next class :)

No comments:

Post a Comment

Every comment published is appreciated by yours truly. I will try my best to respond on every single comment you have. Thanks for droppin' by :)